one at a time

i remember throwing up in the sink right in the middle of writing my thesis in college.

it was an anxiety attack. i was going on a deadline, had written X number of pages in a sleepless marathon (because sometimes i can’t let go until i finish something to the end) and i was really, literally, just “worried sick” that i wouldn’t be able to finish it on time.

of course, i did finish it on time, printed it out without proofreading, and delivered it “hot off the printer” to my thesis adviser. to this day i haven’t reread that thing, although i know there’s a copy in the library, somewhere. it was far from brilliant. technically it was a book report (they didn’t allow me to do anything creative, that was for the creative writers.) i just wanted to get over the hurdle.

afterwards, i lay down on the flower box (that’s gone now) outside the english department, just happy it was over and done with.

i remember hoping at the time that the guy with the banjo (or was it a saxophone?) would be hanging out near meron lagoon, and that he would play something happy and distracting.

right now i’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. so i’m reminded of that little time-shot of stress and relief.

i’m wondering if that guy with the banjo still randomly plays in public now, and if strangers who never talk to him would eavesdrop so they could get a laugh, and get over themselves for a little while.


  1. There was a time in college when I got full-blown anxiety attacks and was unable to enter my classrooms — you can imagine what my grades were like that term. When I got my first job, I threw up every morning before leaving the house for work. Now, many, many years later, when I’m stressed I go online and look at photos of my crushes — mood lightens and am able to work again. : ) So as cliche as it seems, when stress starts to get the better of you, take a break for a few minutes, look at something pretty — for me its Spike or Capt. Picard — calm down, and get back to work. : )

    1. Haha. No wonder I’ve been gorging on Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston lately 🙂 Spike, yes. I draw the line at Picard, haha

  2. I’m older than you are — Picard still does it for me. : )
    But I agree with you on Cumberbatch and Hiddleston (I particularly like their voices).

    1. *fangirling*

      lovely, lovely smoothies 🙂

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