today i remembered who i was.
the funny thing is, i realized it in the midst of a three-way (conference, gutter minds), after another sleepless night.
> i’m the same girl who convinced a boardroom of male bigwigs to take her, and her teammates, seriously.
> i’m the same girl who went diving—though i can’t swim—for a story.
> i’m the same girl who jumped off an airplane, after a mere few hours of skydiving instruction—for a story.
> the same girl who went on a whitewater ride, because the opportunity presented itself. and found parts of it peaceful. did it for myself, but i wrote about it too.
> i’m the same girl who joined in a “100 nudes” project. for the hell of it.
> i’m the same girl who called the prez on his being generally insulting to hard-working media.
… and who, also, humbly asked the prez, on behalf of a friend, to intercede in a long-unresolved oversight… and thanked him when he listened and did what only he could.
> and like every other filipino, been through floods, and volcanic eruptions, and (minor) earthquakes.
i’ve been scared shitless, and done shit anyway. not every time, but most of the time. when it really counted.
so when did i become such a pansy? when did i stop giving myself the opportunity to be scared, all over again? when did i start giving all, and not asking for much? when did i start believing that i’m not good enough, just because a couple of folks may have said so, acted so, told me so? been there, been that, got a much better deal. when did i start thinking of myself as just a tool for someone else’s use?
same girl. different day.